Hello, this is honestly such a blessing. I am so grateful to be here. I can
not thank all of you enough for coming here to hear me speak.



I want to start off by asking you guys a very simple question. By a show of
hands how many people in this room have had bad things happen to them?
Everyone, okay. Now I am gonna ask similar question but it's gonna be
different. By show of hands, how many people in this room consider
themselves a victim? Wow really impressive. Normally I get a few hands and
that's really impressive.



So difference in these question is a difference in mentality. I have been
smeared, libeled, I have been protested, I have been kicked out of
restaurants. I have been assaulted because I go around with a very simple
message, which is that bad things happen to every one. But a victim
mentality is not something you should possess because a bad thing happens to
you.



This has earned me the title of being called anti black. anti LGBT, I have
been called a NAZI sympathizer, among other things because I have this idea
that if we don't accept ourselves as oppressed and we accept ourselves as
victor of our experiences then we can achieve more in life.



So let me tell you a little bit about me that you're not going to find in
all of these articles that basically want people to believe that i am
somehow a white supremacist which is quite impressive that I get called a
white supremacist.



I grew in in Stamford Connecticut. I did not, yea yea...yes, there is some
Connecticut love here. That's awesome. A girl from Stamford Connecticut, In
a really small apartment which I shared with my sisters. I have two sisters.
I did not grow up, I grew up in poverty, my family did not have much, we had
the exterminator coming into our apartment when I was a little girl to get
rid of the roaches every week because we lived in a low-income housing
structure.



About the time that I was 8 years old my grandfather decided, he came to our
apartment, he said I really don't want my grandbabies to live in this sort
of a situation and he moved us into his very middle-class house. Now my
grandfather is a very very very pious man. Living in his home meant that
every single morning, I was meant to read the Bible. He would pick a
Scripture and me and my brothers and sisters would sit around the table. And
he would ask us questions and based on our understanding of the scriptures
and the Bible we would be awarded different hot Chocolate mugs in the
morning.



I never really in my life thought that that was a meaningful way to grow up,
In fact, when I was introduced to the public school system I was
embarrassed. I was embarrassed about my relationship with God. I wanted to
go away. I didn't want people to know that my grandparents were so Christian
that they wanted us to read the Bible every morning. That wasn't cool That
wasn't a cool way to live and so I shed that. I shed that throughout most of
middle school I hid it and in high school I completely shed it, when my
grandparents moved down south.



In high school, I had a very unique experience happened to me which
reporters and journalists do not like to report on because it completely
disrupts their narrative that I don't understand that bad thing happen to
black people that I don't understand that there's racism in the world and
that people can be hurt by racism.



When I was in high school I had a boyfriend. My first boyfriend, I thought
he was really cool and he and I went to watch a movie at his house. We were
watching Talladega Nights. It's a great movie if guys haven't seen it. For
those who have seen it, I never know what to do with my hands just like
Ricky Bobby.



So while I was watching, my phone rang and it was a blocked call and I don't
pick up blocked calls so I sent it to voicemail. my phone rang again I sent
it to a voicemail again . My phone rang four times. By the time. the movies
over I had four missed voicemails which was really an insane thing. so I
went home and I listened to the voicemails after a great night and what I
heard was something really horrific and terrifying.



On the other end of line there were four male voices and they were
alternating. they were calling me the N word.  They were saying that they
were gonna put a bullet in the back of my head as they had done to Martin
Luther King. They were calling me Rosa Parks. They were telling me that they
were going to tar and feather my family. It went on for a really intense, I
would say five minutes and when I hung up the phone the first thing that I
did was, I broke down I cried because I couldn't think of four people would
say those words to me. I couldn't even think of one person that would say
those words to me. 



Here I am I'm a senior in high school living my best life and I get these
terrible messages. So I went to bed. The Next morning I had a class a
philosophy class and we happened to be talking about racism. And I told my
teacher I rose my hand and told him what happened. I said Mr. Forker I got
these terrible messages. and I played them for him and he was so horrified
that he said get up right now we're gonna to to the principal and you're
gonna report these messages.



The principal immediately called the police and that was beginning of what
would represent a very dark life of a dark period of my life. It turned out
by some random stroke of my own misfortune that I did not know as I had said
three of those people are in the car. One of those three people in the car
that night that left me those messages happened to be current Democratic
governor of Connecticut son and instantly this case was elevated at my face
a high school senior was splashed on the front pages of every newspaper in
Connecticut and New York calling ,me a victim, a victim of a hate crime.



That's really really really heavy word. A victim of a hate crime. It turned
out that one of the kids in the car was a former friend of mine and I used
to hang out with him and a group of my friends all the time and once I got a
boyfriend I did what most girls do and I just wanted to be with my boyfriend
and he was hurt. And one night he got into a car and he was drinking and
with three people that I didn't know and they decided to leave me these
voicemails.



Now of course because a politician's son was involved the FBI had to get
involved to trace the origins of the messages because nobody wanted to come
clean and say that they had left them. So I went from watching Talladega
Nights to being a front-page cover story, to being called a victim, to
having everyone in my high school and in my town debate whether or not the
messages were real, while the FBI investigated it.



Of course the messages were real. Of course after the FBI included their six
week long investigation they determined that I did in fact receive these
messages from these men, and six weeks later all four of them were arrested.
The youngest person in that car was only 14 years old. And then of course
after the entire world was debating it reading letter to the editor where
people either called me a liar a hero, a victim. It was over just like that.
The press was over They were ready to move on from the situation and that's
supposed to be a common theme. We're looking for the oppressed and the
oppressor. These kids were labeled racists. I was labeled a victim. How did
that turn out for me.



 Well, for me it turned out into four and a half years of anorexia. Next
years of my life I, that title, I was so scared going into college, afraid
that people that I was meeting were going to Google me, and they were going
to find this story. but they're going to find that I was a victim. but they
were gonna think that I somehow started this or deserved it or they were
gonna take a side in the same way that people in my town had taken aside.
The only way that I felt that I could assert control over myself and over my
narrative was through having anorexia.



It took four and a half years of me having an eating disorder before
something woke up in me. I was living in Manhattan I was paying down student
loans I went to school and majored in quite ironically journalism something
that I don't believe in as much today. And I began to take Yoga classes and
I had lived a life partying throughout college drinking really had fallen
far from the girl that sat at the kitchen table with her grandfather reading
the Bible.



My friend said let's go to a yoga classes, I went to yoga class and suddenly
that silence, that meditation, you know the prayer that people have, I
really for the first time in a really long time was able to have
conversations with myself. Candace what are you doing you know. Why are you
doing this, Why are you living this life. Are you happy?



The answer of course was, I was not happy. I wasn't happy being a victim. I
was miserable. I was allowing it to eat me alive. I was able to meditate my
way and people say how you get over your anorexia, meditation. Yoga. I was
able to meditate myself back into health with conversation and prayer and
focus. And here's what I discovered. 



What happened to me in high school didn't just happen to me. It also
happened to the four kids that left those terrible messages. Because a 14
years old, a fifteen-year-old, a person that was my former friend, they
can't be racist that's heavy word. That's a really heavy word what they were
young kids that were trying out what it was like to be mean in a generation
that has smartphones, in a generation that can send text messages, that can
send Facebook and Instagram messages around the world in a manner of
nanoseconds, something that adults that had raised us had never experienced
before in their lives. 



We are LOL generation/ When I was a little girl my dad had a beeper. He's
not up to Twitter there was no Facebook there was no Instagram and parents
and teachers never thought about how that might impact us growing up.

When you no longer have to look at someone just be mean when you can just
say a mean Tweet leave a mean comment. It's so easy in this generation to be
mean.



 I thought myself wow imagine if as opposed to calling me a victim ruined
four and a half years of my life as opposed to calling children racists
which I'm sure ruined of their lives. What if the adults in the situation
tried to pause and actually understand how everybody was impacted.  What if
the adults tried to understand what it's like being a kid coming up in this
generation how easy it is for us to be mean.  what if a politician just made
his son sorry. No one says sorry anymore that seems to be going out of style
because people are constantly trying to get away with everything.



I was angry with God for a lot of things in my life. I was angry that I
didn't grow up in a family that had any money. I was angry that I had a
hundred fifty thousand dollars in student loan debt and no degree. I had to
drop out because Salle Mae collapse and I couldn't get my loan in my senior.
I was angry with God because I had this horrific situation happen in high
school and I was a victim and He allowed that to happen to me. That was my
mentality.



And all of a sudden I had a different perspective and this perspective
changed my life, and its what I try to tell everybody that is going through
something bad. Whether you believe it or not is up to you, but I can tell
you that it transformed my life.



I believe that God picks people to have experiences in their life. The good
ones and the bad ones. I believe that God wanted me to have my parents. I
believe that my God wants, my God wanted me to grow up in a house that was
dysfunctional. I think He wanted me to grow up impoverished. He wanted me to
go through a hate crime as it was classified in high school. Because who
better positioned to attack the left's narrative than somebody who has lived
through all of that. 



In 2017 and early 2017, I had such an interesting moment. I was still
drinking and suddenly after a night of drinking I woke up in the morning and
I just broke down crying. It was the most bizarre that nothing happened.
There was nothing eventful that happened. I broke down crying, and I said to
someone closer to me I have this feeling and it was the first time that I
had said that God wanted me to do something, that God wants me to quit
drinking. Just like that. I just quit drinking because I broke down crying
in a room and had a sense that God wanted me not to poison my body anymore
that He wanted to be able to open the universe up to me in a way that I had
never been open up to me. I quit drinking and I uploaded my first YouTube
video which was called "Mom Dad I'm a conservative."



What happened next I could have never predicted. My third video got 26
million views worldwide. It was me attacking the narrative that CNN was
trying to sell to me. After which I'm sure you guys remember here in
Virginia the Charlottesville tobacco. CNN, when I went home, was trying to
sell to me as a black American that KKK was alive and well that a real fear
that I have to have walking down the street is that a guy on horseback in a
white hood is gonna come because we didn't vote for Hillary Clinton. And I
said this is ridiculous. Honestly we had enough of this narrative. It's time
for someone to be a voice in the black community and I just started
ranting.  I always call it what I did for four and a half minutes was a
Kanye rant. 



I challenged Americans to believe their experiences versus what they see
coming out of their TV screens because what I see is that I grow up, I grow
up in a country that is not racist. I grew up in a country that is diverse.
I grew up in a country that has given opportunities to so many people
including myself to be able to start from humble beginning and to use my
voice and to be able to share it. and tell me in what other countries in the
world do people have those sorts of opportunities that they could flip open
a laptop, Kayne rant for four minutes and reach 26 million homes.



I attack a lot of narratives on TV. I am sure those of you guys have
followed me on Twitter you see I am going after I go I go for the jugular a
lot about tons of things.



I speak out against feminism because it's not feminism. What's happening
today is a radical form of a women's movement. The idea that we don't need
men that men are always in constantly, once again the oppressed versus the
oppressor.



I have news for people that do identify themselves as feminists. Men are not
dropped off by the stork. They are born. We are the people that have to
carry men for nine months. There are little boys there are sons there are
husband. The idea that somebody can live a life in the way that Brett
Kavanagh has lived his life and have what has happened to him over these
last couple of weeks happened to him should terrify everyone. This country
needs due process but beyond that this country needs women to find their
voices and to fight for our men because what is happening right now is a
cultural war on men.



Quite controversially I also speak out against Planned Parenthood. and I
know In school I learned that choice was good. The word choice is good. The
left is incredibly good at linguistics. Planned parenthood that sound nice.
I want to plan my Parenthood but in reality they're murdering babies.
Choice, choice is good I want choices but in reality one of those choices is
to murder. When I looked into Planned Parenthood history of Eugenics and the
fact that it was founded by a woman who quite literally said that black
people need to be exterminated like weeds. When I look into the numbers and
I understood that nine hundred black babies are aborted every single day and
yet CNN wants me to pay attention and be upset and enraged and boycott and
to protest for the 16 unarmed black men that are shot and killed by police
per year. No voice for 18 million black babies that have been ripped from
the wombs of their parents since 1973.  That's acceptable. they've branded
that as okay murder. That is the focus that I try to deliver to the black
community to understand that our population growth has stagnated. And it is
due to the fact that we are being taught to murder our children. That has
labeled me as a somebody that's controversial. She doesn't believe in
Planned Parenthood. 



I'll tell you what else I don't believe in. I don't believe in the welfare
system. You know I make strong statements and I say I don't believe in he
welfare system. Because look at what it has earned, people that have gone
onto the welfare system absolutely nothing. Since LBJ put in place the Great
Society Act which he referred to as the N-word bil, it has completely
decimated our communities.



A question that I always ask myself and I've had this conversation with my
partner Charlie Kirk is why is it that the left mocks God. It's weird thing
like you know there's a lot of things you can make fun of, but it's very
weird when you start making fun of Jesus Christ and that becomes normal when
Joy Behar is just openly mocking Christians on the View when when they're
openly mocking the fact that our vice president Mike Pence has respect for
his wife and believes in Jesus Christ. Why would they do that?



The welfare system is an interesting study as to why. My belief is that the
left wants to grow government. It wants government in many ways to replace
God in peoples lives. It wants people to turn to government for solutions
for every solution. Somebody told me that "Hey Candace you know the argument
for pro-choice is that Planned Parenthood also does a lot of really great
thing" and I'm sure that's true. You know they supply birth control pills
and they conduct mammograms and woman can go there for other health concerns
and I say that's really great but they're also murdering people. There's no
justification for murdering people. How do we get to a point in society
where people understand the value of human life if we don't have people
boldly and courageously standing up and speaking out against systems which
are meant to make us place so much faith in the government. So much faith
that government can fix all of our issues So much faith that the government
understands how many human lives are worth being born how do we reverse
that?



Every single person in here I believe has has a series of experiences that
are promoting them to prompt to do something great in this world. At the
moment that you believe in yourself At the moment that you get back to your
center that you align yourself with the universe with God, the universe are
opened itself up to you. It certainly did. Maybe every person is gonna do
what I did. Maybe not every person is going to quit their job and decide
they're going to make YouTube videos. But make no mistake there is a
cultural war happening, every single one of you can do something and
participate in some regard.



My focus obviously has been on presenting a new perspective to the black
community. I think we are in desperate need of new voices in the black
community. We are in desperate need of somebody that will stand up a
platform and say hey it's actually not cool to be a victim. There's no value
in being a victim. You win no awards for being a victim unless you're Colin
Kaepernick.. I think he made a pretty sweet deal off of a being a victim. So
credit to him where credit is due. The message that he is selling to people
of courser is not going to get them anywhere. At the moment that you believe
that you can't, you won't. At the moment that you believe that you can, you
will.



Why is that controversial? Why wouldn't the left want to tell the truth
about me that I stand on a stage and I tell people all across country that I
believe in them. That's what I'm saying.

Every time I stand on a stage in a room at a University, at a college I say
hey guys I believe you. I believe in you, you can do it without government
handouts. You can do it based off of good ideas . You can do it based off of
hard work, You can do it with Jesus Christ.



Of course every single person in the world thought that. If every single
person in the world woke up with confidence and said I can do it and I can
contribute and my life my birth has meant something. it means something to
this world and I am going to contribute something, you would see naturally
that government would shrink that when people were faced with problem they
wouldn't run to an arbitrary welfare system, they would turn to God. They
would turn to their communities . and they would nurse themselves back to
health. That's you would see and that is why I believe in my heart that I
have been considered a threat to the left and to the establishment.



Kanye West, man, he's a wonderful man. It's so great to look back at
everything now and to remember his song, Jesus walks. How many you guys know
that song? And he made that hip hop song Jesus Walks because people told him
that he couldn't talk about Jesus and he couldn't make Jesus cool so he made
it a number one album. He made number one track talking about Jesus and
feeling that Jesus was walking with him and what he was doing. The gift of
Kanye West isn't because he is one of the biggest stars in the world. The
gift of Kanye West and that simple 7 words tweets that broke the Internet's
I love the way Candace Owens thinks is that he opens people's hearts and
people's minds to a different perspective.  The gift of Kayne West's putting
on the mega hat was that a completely destroyed narrative. I love Donald
Trump. First and foremost, he's pointedly hilarious. I actually genuinely
feel bad that there are people that are not enjoying Donald Trump in office.
I just don't understand how they don't understand how hilarious Donald Trump
is . Aside from that he's an unbelievably strong leader to stand in the face
of entire United Nations assemble yesterday and to say that America will be
governed by Americans and not by globalists.



What is it that President Donald Trump, Kayne West, and Candace Owens have
in common that we have grown so fond of each other? I think Kanye West
describes it as dragon energy and to me I think it's , it's individualism,
it's believing in yourself. It's standing up in the face of everybody
telling you you can't. 



You're not allowed to think that. You're a black  man. You can't think that.
You're not  allowed to think that. You're not a woman.

You have to think this because you're a woman.



It's standing up in the face of  all of that and saying no I am my
own person. I am governed by what I believe to be truth and I can live up to
any expectation that I set for myself.



I think that is an energy that is a love and that is a passion that I hope
that I work every day to share with the world. 



Thank you 

안녕하세요. 솔직히 이거 진짜 축복이네요

여기에 서게 된 거 정말 감사해요. 제가 하는 말을 들으러 여기에 와주신 모든 분들께 이루 다 충분한 감사를 드릴 수
없네요



저 여러분에게 아주 간단한 질문을 하는 것으로 시작하고 싶네요. 손 들어 보여 주세요, 여기에 있는 얼마나 많은 사람이 나쁜
일을 당했는지요? 전부네요. 좋아요. 이제 비슷한 질문을 할 텐데 질문이 좀 달라요. 손 들어 보세요 ,이 방에 있는 얼마나
많은 사람이 자신을 피해자라고 생각하는지요? 와아, 정말 인상적이네요. 보통 몇 명의 손이 올려지는 데 정말로 인상적이네요.



이 질문들의 차이점은 사고방식의 차이예요

 저는 중상 받기도 했고, 명예도 훼손되었으며, 항의도 받았고, 식당에서 쫓겨나기도 했고, 나쁜 일은 누구에게나 다
생긴다는 단순한 메시지를 가지고 돌아다니다 보니 공격도 받았답니다. 그러나 나쁜 일은 누구에게나 다 생기는 것이니 나쁜 일이
실제로 생겨도 피해자 망상은가져서는 안된다고요.



그러다 보니 저는 반 흑인 자이며, 반동성애자라 는 명칭을 받았고, 무엇보다도 나치 동조자라고도 불린답니다. 자신들을
피해자로받아들이지 않고 우리가 체험하는 일에서 승리자라고 자신들을 받아 드리면 살아가는 중에 더 많은 것을 성취할 수
있다는 생각을 저는 가지고있기에.

.

그러니 쓰여진 여러 기사에서는 읽어 볼 수 없는저에 대해서 잠깐 말해 볼래요. 지면 기사들은 사람들이 제가 어쩌다 백인
우선주의자가되었다고 믿게 하고 싶기에 쓰지 않는 저에 대해서. 제가 백인 우선주의자라니 참으로 인상적인 말이지요



저는 스탬 포드 코네티컷에서 자랐어요. 저는... 네, 네, 네. 여기. 코네티컷 좋아하는 사람들 있군요. 정말
끝내주네요. .스탬포드 코네티컷 출신의 소녀로, 정말 작은 아파트를 제 자매들과 같이 쓰며 살았는데 제게는 여 형제가 두
명 있어요 저는 가난하게 자랐고, 저의 집은 별로 가진 게 많지 않았어요. 제가 어린 소녀였을 때 바퀴벌레를 없애러 약을
치는 사람이 매주 저의 아파트에 오곤 했지요. 우리는 저소득 주택에서 살았기 때문에요



제가 8살 때쯤 할아버지는 마음을 정하시고, 우리 아파트에 오셔서, 할아버지는 그의 손녀 애기들이 그런 상황에서
사는 것을 원하지않는다고 말했죠.. 그리고 할아버지는 우리를 그의 아주 중산층 집으로 이사시켰지요.. 근데 할아버지는 아주
아주 경건한 사람이어요. 그의 집에서 산다는 것은 매일 아침 빼놓지 않고 성경을 읽어야 한다는 것을 의미했죠. 그는 성경
구절을 고르고 제 형제자매들은 식탁에둘러 앉아야 했고, 그는 우리들에게 질문을 던졌으며 경전과 성경을 우리가 이해한 만큼
아침이면 여러 가지 따뜻한 초콜릿 잔을 저희는 받았네요.

 

저는 정말로 그런 식으로 자라나는 게 의미있는 것이라고 생각해 본 적 전혀 없지요. 사실, 제가 공립학교에 입학하게 되었을
때 저는 창피했었지요. 저는 하나님과의 관계가 창피했어요. 전 사라지고 싶었죠. 저는 저의 조부모님이 아주 기독교적인것을
사람들이 알게 되는 것을 원치 않았죠. 그래 조부모님은 우리가 매일 아침 성경을 읽기 원하신다는 것도. 그건 멋지지
(쿨하지) 않았죠. 그런 삶은 멋진 삶이 아니었기에 저는 그런삶을 버렸죠. 대부분의 중학교 시절에 전 그런 삶을 버렸고
감추었죠. 고등학교 때 조부모네가 남부로 이사 갔을 때 전 그것을 완전히 버렸죠.



고등학교 때 아주 특이한 체험을 저는 하게 되는 데 기자들이나 언론인들은 그것을 보도하기를 좋아 않지요. 왜냐면 그 체험은
그들이 늘 하는 말을 깨부스기 때문이죠. 그들이 기술하는 이야기는 저는 나쁜 일이 흑인들에게 일어난다는 것을 이해 못 하며,     세상에는 인종차별이 있으며 인종차별로 사람들이 상처를 입을 수 있다는 것도.



제가 고등학생이었을 때 전 남자 친구가 한명 있었죠. 제 첫 남자 친구였죠, 저는 그가 정말로 멋지다고 생각했고 그와 저는
영화를 보러 그의 집에 갔지요. 우리는 탈라데가 나이트를 보고 있었죠. 그것을 보지 못했다면 그거 멋진 영화예요. 그것을
보았다면, 전 리키바비처럼 제 손으로 뭘 해야할지 잘 모른답니다.



그래 영화를 보는 중에 제 전화가 울리고 차단된 통화였고 저는 차단된 전화를받지 않기에 음성 메일로 보냈죠. 제 전화기는
다시 울려 저는.다시 음성 메일로 보냈네요. 제 전화기가 4번 울렸어요. 영화가 끝날 즘해서 전 받지 않은 음성 메일이
4개 있었는데 참으로 정신 나간 일이었지요. 그래 전 집에 갔고 멋진 밤을 보낸 후에 음성 메일을 들었는데 제가 들은
것은 참으로 끔찍하고 소름 끼쳤어요. 

 

저쪽 편에는 네 명의 남성 목소리가 들렸고 서로 번갈아 가고 있었어요.. 그들은 저를 N 단어(껌둥이)라 부르고 있었죠
그들은 제 머리뒤에다 총알을 박을 것이라고 말했어요. 그들이 마틴 루터 킹에 했던 것 처럼. 그들은 저보고 로자
파크(차별대우에 처음 항거한 흑인여자) 라고 부르고 있었죠.. 그들은 제 가족들에게 타르를 바르고 깃털을 꽂겠다고(흑인을
린치할 때 쓴 방법)말하고 있었죠. 정말로 지독한, 말하자면,  5분이나 지속되었죠.  그래 저는 전화를 끊고, 우선 한 것은 울음
터트리는 것이었죠, 제게 그런 말을 말할 수 있는 4명을 생각해낼 수 도 없었고 저에게 그런 말을 할, 단 한사람도 생각해낼수
없었죠.



저는 고등학생으로 인생 최고의 삶을 살고 있었는데 그런 끔찍한 메시지를 받은 거죠.. 그래 잠자러 갔죠. 다음 날
아침 저는 철학 수업을 들었는데 우리는 우연히도 인종차별주의에 관해 이야기하게 되었네요. 그래 저는 손을 들고 선생님에게
무슨 일이 일어났는지 이야기했지요. 전 말했죠, 포커 선생님 저는 이런 끔찍한 메시지를 들었어요. 제가 선생님에게 녹음을 들려주었더니
선생님은 너무 놀라서 지금 당장우리는 교장 선생님께 가야 한다고 말씀하셨고 저는 이 메시지를 보고 해야 한다 했지요.

교장 선생님은 즉시 경찰에 전화를 걸었고, 그것은 제 인생의 어두운 시기의, 매우 어두운 삶을 대변하는 그 무엇의
시작이었지요. 저 자신의 불행이 부작위로 일궈낸 일은 전 몰랐었는데 제가 말했듯이 차 안에는 세 명이있었어요. 그날 밤 저에게 차 안에서
메시지를 보낸 3명 중의 1명은 어쩌다 그 당시 코네티컷의 민주당 총재의 아들이었기에 그 일은 즉시 제 앞에서 승격되어 일개
고등학생이 코네티컷과 뉴욕시의 모든 신문의 첫 페이지에 도배되었지요 저를 피해자라고 부르며 증오 범죄의 피해자라고



그것은 정말로 정말로 심한 말이지요. 증오 범죄의 희생자라니. 차 안의 아이들 중 한 명은 제 전 친구인게 알려 졌고 저는
그 친구와 그리고 여러 다른 친구들과 함께 늘 어울려 놀았었지요. 그런데 남자 친구가 생기면서 대부분의 여자애들이 하는 것을
저는 하고 싶었기에. 제 남자 친구와 같이 있었는데 그는 상처를 입은 거죠.. 그리고 어느 날 밤 그는 차 안에서 술을
마셨고 제가 알지 못한 세 명과 작당하여 그런 음성 메일을 제게 남기기기로 결정한거죠



물론 정치인의 아들이 관련되었기에 미연방조사국( FBI)이 그 메시지의 기원을 추적하기 위해 관여해야 했죠. 아무도
깨끗히 나서서우리가 메시지를 보냈다고 말하기를 원하지 않았기 때문이었죠. 그러다보니 저는 탈래데고 나이트 영화를 보다가
신문 첫 페이지 이야기 거리가 되었고 피해자라고 불리게 되었고 고등학교와 저의 마을 사람들 모두가 그 메시지가 진짜인지
아닌지를 FBI(미연방 조사국)가 조사하는 동안 토론주제로 삼았지요. 

 

물론 메시지는 사실이었지요. 물론 FBI가 6주간의 긴 조사를 마감한 후에 그들은 실제로 제가 이 사람들로부터 그 메시지를
받았다고 결정했으며 6주 후에 4명 모두 체포되었지요. 그 차 안에 있은 가장 어린 사람은 겨우 14살이었죠. 그리고 나서는
전 세계가 편집장에게 보내진 편지들을 읽고는 토론들을 시작했으며 사람들은 저를 거짓말 쟁이라고 불렀고 영웅이자 희생자라고도
했지요. 그리곤 그저 그렇게끝났죠. 언론들도 끝냈고요. 사람들은 그 상황을 잊어 버릴  준비 되어 있었으니 그
일은 통상적인 주제였던 것이지요. 우리는피해자와 압제자를 찾고 있는 것이지요 그 아이들은 인종 차별주의자로 낙인되었지요,
저는 피해자로 분류되었고요. 그게 제게는 어떤 결과로 끝났냐고요 

 

글쎄요, 저에게 그 체험은 4년 반의 식욕 부진으로 끝났지요 그 후의 제 인생은, 저 그 명칭, 저는 대학교에 가는 게
무서웠어요. 두려웠던것은 제가 만나는 사람들이 저를 구굴 검색하여 저의 이런 이야기를 알아내어 제가 피해자라는 것을,
어쩌면 그들은 제가 그런 일이 생기게 한 사람이라 생각하며  당해 싸다 라던가 저의 마을 사람들이 편을 들었듯이 그들도 편을 들까 봐 두려웠지요 제가 제 자신과 제 이야기를 통제 할 수 있다고 느낀 유일한 길은 거식증을갖는
것이었지요. 

 

무언가가 저를 일깨워 주기까지 저는 4 년 반 동안을 식사 장애를 겪어야 했네요. 저는 맨해튼에 살고 있었고, 수업료 대부
받은 것을 갚아 가고 있었고 학교에 나가 아이러니컬하게도 지금에 와서는 믿지 않는, 저널리즘(언론)을 전공했지요  그리고 저는 요가 수업을받기 시작했고, 대학시절 내내 술 마시고 파티하는 삶을 살았는데, 정말 할아버지와 식탁에 같이 앉아
성경을 읽던 소녀에서는 거리가 먼삶을 살았네요.



제 친구가 요가 수업에 나가자고 말했고, 저는 요가 수업에 갔는데. 갑자기 그 침묵, 그 명상, 사람들이 하는 기도를 정말
처음으로, 정말로 오랜 시간이 지난 후에 저 자신과 대화 할 수 있었지요 . 너 대체 뭐 하고 있는 거냐?  왜 이러는 거야, 왜 너는 이런
삶을 살고 있니? 행복하니?



대답은 물론 저는 행복하지 않았죠.. 저는 피해자라는 게 행복하지 않았죠. 전 비참했어요. 저는 그것이 저를 산 채로 삼키게 내 버려두고 있었죠.저는 명상으로 제 길을 찾을 수 있었는데 사람들은 그 식사 장애(거식증)를 어떻게 극복했냐고
묻는데 명상이었죠. 요가로. 저는 묵상 중에 대화와 기도와 정신 집중으로 건강을 다시 찾을 수 있었네요. 그리고 제가 발견한 것이 여기 있어요.



고등학교 때 저에게 일어난 일은 저에게 그저 일어난 것이 아니었어요. 그 일은 또한 그 끔찍한 메시지를 남긴 4명의
아이들에게도 일어났지요. 14세, 15세의 아이들, 그리고 제 옛 친구인 그 사람은, 인종 차별주의자가 될 수 없으니 그
말은 심한 말이죠. 그 말 참으로 심한 말이에요. 그들의 처지는 어린 아이들이었고 여러가지를 할 수 있는 영리한 휴대폰을
가진 세대에서 짓궂어 보는 게 어떤가 해보고 있던 거지요. 문자 메시지를 보낼 수 있는 세대에서 페북과 인스타그램(즉석
메세지)을 10억분의 일초 이내에 전 세계로 보낼 수 있는 세대에서, 그런 것은 우리를 길러준 세대는 그들의 인생에서 체험하지 못한
그런 것들이죠.

 

우리는 LOL 세대(Laughing Out Loud 웃어 재껴 대며 맘대로 하고 싶은 것을 게임하듯이 하며 사는
세대)이지요 / 제가어린 소녀였을 때 저의 아빠는 비퍼(전화 번호만을 알려 주는 도구)를 지녔죠..



그는 트위터 할 정도 못되었고, 페북도 없었고 인스타그램(즉석 메시지)도 없었고 부모님들과 선생님들은 그런 것들이 우리가
자라는데 어떻게영향을 줄지 생각 못했죠.

 더 이상 누군가를 볼 필요가 없을 때 짓궂고 싶으면 그냥 짓궂은 트윗을 보내고 짓궂은 댓글을 남기면 그만이죠. 이 세대에서는
짓궂기가 아주 쉽지요. 

저는 혼자 생각해 봐요... 와우... 저를 피해자로 불러 4년 반 동안 제 인생을 망치고 애들도 인종차별주의자라고 불러서, 저는 확신하는데, 그리하여 그들의 인생을 망치는 대신.. 혹시 그 상황에 부닥쳤던 어른들이 잠시 멈추고 실제로 각자가 어떠한 충격을 받게 될른지를 생각해 보았다면,... 어른들이 한 아이가 이세대에서 자라는 게 어떠하며 짓궂은 짓을 하는 게 얼마나 쉬운 일인가 이해하려고
노력했었다면.....정치인이 그의 아들에게 미안해라고 말하게 했었다면.... 이제는 더 이상 유행이 아니여선지  

아무도 미안해란 말은 않으니 사람들은 끊임없이 매사를 그냥 넘어가려고 들기 때문이죠.

 

저는 저의 인생의 많은 것들로 하나님께 화나 있었어요. 저는 돈 많은 가정에서 자라지 않았기에 화나 있었죠. 저는 십오만
달러의 학자금 빚이 있고 학위도 없다는 것에 화가 나 있었죠. 샐리 매 (Salle Mae 금융업계)의 붕괴로 제가 졸업반일
때 대출을 받을 수 없었기에 학교를 그만두어야 했어요. 고등학교 때 이런 끔찍한 상황이 발생하여 하나님께 화가 나
있었죠. 그래서 저는 피해자였고 하나님은 저에게 그런 일이 일어나게 허용했으니. 그게 제 정신상태였어요.



그러다 갑자기 저는 다른 시각을 갖게 되었고 그 시각은 제 삶을 바꾸었지요. 그게 제가 뭔가 나쁜 일을 겪고 있는 사람들
모두에게 말해주고 싶은 것이예요. 믿든 말든 여러분에게 달렸지만 저는 말하건대 그것이 제 삶을 변화시켰지요



하나님은 사람들을 택해서 그들이 살아가는 중에 어떤 체험을 하게 하신다고 저는 믿어요. 좋은 체험이건 나쁜 체험이건.
하나님은 제가 저의부모님을 갖게 되기를 원했다고 저는 믿어요. 하나님은 제가 문제 있는 가정에서 자라나기를 원하셨다고 저는
믿어요. 그분은 제가 가난하게자라기를 원했다고 저는 생각해요. 그분은 제가 고등학교때 그렇게 분류되었던 증오 범죄 하나를
겪어 가기를 원했어요. 왜냐하면 좌파들이 기술하는 이야기는 공격하기에 그 누가 더 나은 위치에 있겠어요? 그 모든 것을
체험하며 살아온 그 어떤 이 보다.



2017년, 2017년 초기에 저게는 아주 흥미로운 순간이 있었네요. . 저는 여전 술 마시며 살았는데 어느 날 밤새 술 마시고
나서 갑자기 아침에 일어나 전 그저 울음을 터뜨렸어요. 참으로 기괴한 일이었지요 아무일도 없었는데. 특별한 사건이 일어난
것도 아닌데 저는 울음을터뜨렸고 저는 제게 가까웠던 어떤이에게 이런 느낌이 있다고 말했죠. 하나님께서 제가 뭔가 그를
위해서 하기를 원하시는 것 같다고 처음 말했는데 술 마시는 것을 그만두기를 바라 신다고. 그냥 그렇게요. 전 술을 그렇게
간단히 끊었는데 그것은 제가 방안에서 울음을 터트렸고 그때 하나님은 제가 더 이상 제 몸을 해롭게 하지 말기를 바라시며
하나님은 여태껏 제게 열어 본 적이 없는 식으로 제게 우주를여실 수 있게 되기를 원하신다는 느낌이 오기에 그랬어요. 저는
술을 끊고 "엄마 아빠, 저 보수주의자예요”라고 불리는 첫 번째 유튜브 동영상을 올렸답니다. 

그다음에 일어난 일은 결코 저로선 예측할 수 없는 일이었어요. 저의 세 번째 동영상은 조회 수를 전 세계에 걸쳐 2천
6백만 회를올렸어요. CNN이 저한테 팔려고  기술하는 이야기를 제가 공격한 것이었죠. 그 다음은 여러분들 잘
기억하듯이 샬롯 빌 마을의 담배 건이었고요. 제가 집에 갔더니 CNN은 흑인계 미국인인 저에게  KKK가 여전 살아 활동하고 있다는 것을 설득하려고 했고  제가 거리에 나가면 실제로 두려워해야 할 것은 하얀 두건을 쓰고 말 탄 사람이 올 것이라고
말하더라니깐요. 왜냐면 우리가 힐러리 클린턴에게 투표하지 않았으니까.. 저는이거야말로 말도 안되는 소리라 했죠. 솔직히
우리는 이런 그들이 기술하는 이야기는 충분히 많이 들었죠. 이제 흑인 사회에서 누군가가 목소리를 낼 때가 되었기에 제가
떠들어 대기 시작했네요. 제가 늘 4분 30초 동안 한 것은 카니의 떠들어 대기라고 불렀죠.

 저는 미국인들에게 TV 스크린에 나오는 것들을 자신의 경험에 대조해보고 자신의 체험을 믿으라고 도전했죠. 왜냐하면 제가
자라면서목격한 나라는 인종 차별적이 아니었기 때문이죠. 저는 다양한 나라에서 자랐네요. 저는 저 자신을 포함하여 많은
사람에게 기회를 주는 나라에서 자라났어요.미천한 시작에서 출발하여 자신의 목소리를 써서 남들과 뭔가 공유할 수 있는 그런 나라.  말해봐요 세계의 어느 나라에서 사람들이 그런 온갖 기회를 가지고 있는지, 사람들이 휴대용 컴퓨터를 열고 4분 동안
카니이 식의 떠들어 대기를 하여 2천 6백만가정에 미칠 수 있는지?

저는 TV에 나오는 많은 그들이 기술하는 이야기를  공격하지요. 확신하건데 트위터에서 제 뒤를 밟은 사람들은 봤지요.
저는 많은 것들을 따라 나서서, 급소를 찌르지요..



저는 여성운동(페미니즘)이란 것에 반대 의견을 

말하지요, 여성운동이 아니니까요. 오늘날 일어나고있는 것은 급진적인 형태의 여성 운동이지요. 남자들은 필요 없다는 생각이죠 남자들은 늘 어김없이 또 다시 피해자에 대립되는 압박자이니.

여성운동가라고 자칭하는 사람들에게 소식하나 전할게 있네요. 남자들은 황새가 배달해 주지 않았다고요. 그들은 출생했지요.
우리야 말로남자들을 9개월 배고 다녀야 하는 사람들이죠. 그 중에는 어린 소년들이 있고, 아들들이 있고 남편도 있지요..이런
생각 즉,브렛 카바나(최근